Favorite comedic lyrics thread(Not for people easily offended)

[guitarguy]

What's your favorite comedy lyrics? Here's mine(warning, not for children):

HITLER THE KITTY
by Me

Hitler the kitty, holocaust genocide,
Hey there Anne Frank, he's gonna find you tonight
Hitler the kitty, the ovens not just for stews
Hitler the kitty, its for burning the Jews!

Hitler the kitty, blonde fur and blue eyes
Nazi and feline, make those puppy dogs die
Hitler the kitty, kill the Jews and the ghay
Hitler the kitty, tell the Germans its okay!

Hitler the kitty, get your catnip and gun,
Lock, cawk and reload, the prefect race is near done
Hitler the kitty, specialize to make Jews die
But Stalin the bunny was a kill all guy!
DONE!


TALK TO ME
by Stephen Lynch

I came down to the breakfast table
Felt like I could die
I tried so hard, but wasn't able
To look you in the eye
For I am feeling so much shame
Yes I have brought disgrace
Could tell I soiled my good name
By the look upon your face

Well it seems last night you caught me spanking it
No use denying it, I was really cranking it
well dry your eyes don't be so sad
If you could just forgive me, and talk to me dad
Talk to me dad

no i didn't hear you enter, no I didn't hear the door
With my hand upon my member and my pants upon the floor
Now burnt into your brain is an image you despise
Like blood and guts and starving kids and Stevie Wonder's eyes

Well it seems last night you caught me spanking it
No use denying it, I was really cranking it
well dry your eyes don't be so sad
But I wouldn't use those tissues, they've already been had
talk to me dad

The look upon your face made my swollen gland diminish
So I said could you close the door, I really wanna finish.
Now daddy, I'm ashamed and I completely understand
If you never wanna hug again or even shake my hand

Well it seems last night you caught me spanking it
No use denying it,well I was really cranking it
well dry your eyes don't be so sad
Just because it was your bed, it's not that bad

When I was only 17 you told me it was dirty
So it must be really creepy when you kid is pushing 30
But you cannot tell me, dad, you have never had a whack
At the thing that hangs below your belt and bumps into your sack

Well it seems last night you caught me spanking it
No use denying it, I was really cranking it
Now dry your eyes, don't be so sad
But I wouldn't use those tissues, they've already been
Just because it was your bed, it's not that
Oh daddy, daddy, please forgive me, and talk to me dad
talk to me dad

[Hamzter]

What's your favorite comedy lyrics? Here's mine(warning, not for children):

HITLER THE KITTY
by Me

Hitler the kitty, holocaust genocide,
Hey there Anne Frank, he's gonna find you tonight
Hitler the kitty, the ovens not just for stews
Hitler the kitty, its for burning the Jews!

Hitler the kitty, blonde fur and blue eyes
Nazi and feline, make those puppy dogs die
Hitler the kitty, kill the Jews and the ghay
Hitler the kitty, tell the Germans its okay!

Hitler the kitty, get your catnip and gun,
Lock, cawk and reload, the prefect race is near done
Hitler the kitty, specialize to make Jews die
But Stalin the bunny was a kill all guy!
DONE!


TALK TO ME
by Stephen Lynch

I came down to the breakfast table
Felt like I could die
I tried so hard, but wasn't able
To look you in the eye
For I am feeling so much shame
Yes I have brought disgrace
Could tell I soiled my good name
By the look upon your face

Well it seems last night you caught me spanking it
No use denying it, I was really cranking it
well dry your eyes don't be so sad
If you could just forgive me, and talk to me dad
Talk to me dad

no i didn't hear you enter, no I didn't hear the door
With my hand upon my member and my pants upon the floor
Now burnt into your brain is an image you despise
Like blood and guts and starving kids and Stevie Wonder's eyes

Well it seems last night you caught me spanking it
No use denying it, I was really cranking it
well dry your eyes don't be so sad
But I wouldn't use those tissues, they've already been had
talk to me dad

The look upon your face made my swollen gland diminish
So I said could you close the door, I really wanna finish.
Now daddy, I'm ashamed and I completely understand
If you never wanna hug again or even shake my hand

Well it seems last night you caught me spanking it
No use denying it,well I was really cranking it
well dry your eyes don't be so sad
Just because it was your bed, it's not that bad

When I was only 17 you told me it was dirty
So it must be really creepy when you kid is pushing 30
But you cannot tell me, dad, you have never had a whack
At the thing that hangs below your belt and bumps into your sack

Well it seems last night you caught me spanking it
No use denying it, I was really cranking it
Now dry your eyes, don't be so sad
But I wouldn't use those tissues, they've already been
Just because it was your bed, it's not that
Oh daddy, daddy, please forgive me, and talk to me dad
talk to me dad


dude thats just wrong, and offensive

i hope you go to hell

[wut]

XD

That was soooo offence but funny.

mine would be...

Wierd Al, Amish Paradise.

As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain
I take a look at my wife and realize shes very plain
But thats just perfect for an amish like me
You know I shun fancy things like electricity
At 4:30 in the morning Im milkin cows
Jebediah feeds the chickens and jacob plows... fool
And Ive been milkin and plowin so long that
Even ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone
Im a man of the land, Im into discipline
Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin
But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine
Then tonight were gonna party like its 1699

We been spending most our lives
Living in an amish paradise
Ive churned butter once or twice
Living in an amish paradise
Its hard work and sacrifice
Living in an amish paradise
We sell quilts at a discount price
Living in an amish paradise

A local boy kicked me in the butt last week
I just smiled at him and I turned the other cheek
I really dont care, in fact I wish him well
cause Ill be laughing my head off when hes burning in hell
But I aint never punched a tourist even if he deserved it
An amish with a tude?
You know thats unheard of
I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat
And my homies agree
I really look good in black... fool
If you come to visit, youll be bored to tears
We havent even paid the phone bill in 300 years
But we aint really quaint, so please dont point and stare
Were just technologically impaired

Theres no phone, no lights, no motorcar
Not a single luxury
Like robinson caruso
Its as primitive as can be

We been spending most our lives
Living in an amish paradise
Were just plain and simple guys
Living in an amish paradise
Theres no time for sin and vice
Living in an amish paradise
We dont fight, we all play nice
Living in an amish paradise

Hitchin up the buggy, churnin lots of butter
Raised a barn on monday, soon Ill raise anutter
Think youre really righteous?
Think youre pure in heart?
Well, I know Im a million time as humble as thou art
Im the pious guy the little amlettes wanna be like
On my knees day and night scorin points for the afterlife
So dont be vain and dont be whiny
Or else, my brother, I might have to get medieval on your heinie

We been spending most our lives
Living in an amish paradise
Were all crazy mennonites
Living in an amish paradise
Theres no cops or traffic lights
Living in an amish paradise
But youd probably think it bites
Living in an amish paradise

Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh
Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-yecch!

[guitarguy]

dude thats just wrong, and offensive

i hope you go to hell

You really did that. You were the first to reply but you quoted the entire thread? Really. Seriously.

Besides, the one I wrote (Hitler the Kitty) is just a joke song. I have no problems with jews, and I'm completely fine with bashing my own religious beliefs for some humour.

And the Stephen Lynch one shouldn't offend people that much. If it did I have songs like "Unprotected Sex" that might make you angry. Though there's no set lyrics, my buds and I just play it when we're bored. We take turn making stuff up ie "I shoved my dik in quick-crete; Now its always hard! I stuffed it in some super glue; now I'm stucked to you!" That's always in there, thanks to me. And we always start off by yelling "Unprotected sex." It usually has talk of aborted fetuses, an aborted cat fetus being used as a condom, dying children, couch sex(sex with a couch, not on a couch), etc. That's offensive.

And its in the title that if you're going to get offended, you can just not click on the thread.

And yes, I have a dark sense of humour. For example: friends mom dided August 2nd, I had a fun day today making jokes at that expense. like "Is it still phone sex if I use a ouija board?"

God, I'm just so awful.