Joke Thread

[USxWarrior]

Post a joke. NO YO MAMA JOKES.



A good way to start a conversation is "what is your favorit color?"
A good way to end a conversation is "what is your favoite color...person?"
--Dane Cook

[Strelok12]

Agree,yo mama jokes are just soooo retarded

A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while
they were drawing. She walked around to look at the artwork.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked
what the drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like.

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl
replied, "They will in a minute."

[USxWarrior]

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags, and once in a while a $20 bill flies out of it onto the pavement.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her. "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag..."

"Damn!" says the little old lady ... "I'd better go back and see if I can find some of them. Thanks for the warning!"

"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money? Did you steal it?"

"Oh, no," says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds! So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his thingie through the bushes, I yell:

"'$20 or off it comes!'"

"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "Good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well," says the little old lady, "not all of them pay."

[USxWarrior]

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table when a hot blonde walks up and bets $20,000 on a single roll of the dice. "I hope you don't mind," she says to the two men, "but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." She strips naked and rolls the dice.

As the dice come to a stop, she jumps up and down screams, "I WON I WON!!"

She then hugs both the dealers, picks up her money and her clothes, and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded.

Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll, anyway?"

The other answers, "I don't know. I thought YOU were watching."

[USxWarrior]

...Bump...

[Ymmuri]

the di one is funny lolz

[USxWarrior]

the di one is funny lolz

Lol thx...don't you have a joke?

[vSkyzv]

A plane is flying and contains the President of Iran, the President of Venezuela, and The President of Costa Rica. The President of Costa Rica throws out the President of Venezuela and says "I just helped out Costa Rica by stealing his oil! No more capital smelling like urine for me!" The president of Iran throws out the President of Costa Rica and says "I avenged my friend!" The co-pilot throws him out and says, "I helped the world!".

[Ymmuri]

Ok heres one

There are two guys in a bar
one of them goes "hey ive got a bet, i bet i can jump off the top of that building and by the time i near the 5th floor the wind will push me into the window and i can ride back up" so the other guy goes "alright your on!"
So the two men go up to a 10 story high building
the one man jumps off
10th
9th
8th
7th
6th
5th and the wind pushes the man through the windows and he rides back up
the other man says "awesome! but to be sure do it agian" so the other man jumps off agian
10th
9th
8th
7th
6th
5th and the wind pushes the man through the window and he rides back up to the top
the other man says "AWESOME IM GONNA DO IT" and he jumps
10th, 9th,
8th, 7th, 6th,
5th
4th,
3rd
2nd
1st
splat

The bartender in the while is watching the man hit the ground and says "Ouch, Superman is a mean drunk"

[vSkyzv]

One time on Pawn with no moderators an immature kid said, "Yomomma is fat. Yomomma is a ... Yomomma is ugly and gave birth to you and pass on her ugliness." Well HonorP00ner responded, "Yommoma's mom wore a belt and passed it on to your mom." The 5-year-old responded, "Worst insult ever." However he did not know his mother was watching the whole time. The young one's neighbors were later wondering why they heard yelling. When the 5-year-old came back, he started mouthing off again. HonorP00ner responded with a link to an image. That image was a belt. The kid was afk for 1 minute. Then 2. Then 3. Then hours, and the next day... he was absent from school. Where was he? In the hospital. But why? When he ran to hide in the closet ran into his dad's belts which were dangling.... He fainted from the terror.

[Ymmuri]

One time on Pawn with no moderators an immature kid said, "Yomomma is fat. Yomomma is a ... Yomomma is ugly and gave birth to you and pass on her ugliness." Well HonorP00ner responded, "Yommoma's mom wore a belt and passed it on to your mom." The 5-year-old responded, "Worst insult ever." However he did not know his mother was watching the whole time. The young one's neighbors were later wondering why they heard yelling. When the 5-year-old came back, he started mouthing off again. HonorP00ner responded with a link to an image. That image was a belt. The kid was afk for 1 minute. Then 2. Then 3. Then hours, and the next day... he was absent from school. Where was he? In the hospital. But why? When he ran to hide in the closet ran into his dad's belts which were dangling.... He fainted from the terror.

child abuse?

[vSkyzv]

child abuse?

I should have put soap instead of belt. Then he would be stinky. :D Besides the child was people abusing. :D

[boomfrogg]

Your Mother Is Of Such A Nature Of Obesity That She Ate A Cookie And Died Of Aids!

[vSkyzv]

Your Mother Is Of Such A Nature Of Obesity That She Ate A Cookie And Died Of Aids!

No yomomma jokes.

[qw1ksh0t]

Ok I'm a bit rusty but heres a joke I just cooked up and served to you. A blonde walks in a bar naked with her chihuahua in one hand and _____ in the other. The bartender says,"What can I get you?" And she says "What else do I need?"

Guess the _____. It's really funny and if you got a boner you are...

[Ymmuri]

..... inapropriate lolz

[qw1ksh0t]

..... inapropriate lolz

Can you make your WW2 siggy a little slower bc its really funny but I cant read that fast.